Catching the Bouquet – Valentine’s Day!

Here we are again. The day when lovers put aside the bad and focus on sex. Or perhaps on the romance of being with a partner. You know you have found your soul mate when you both think, “I just want to lie on the couch and watch TV or a movie.” But no!! No I say!! Get out there and do something. He can lie on the couch and you can go have fun with your single lady friends or just the married ones who have husbands who want to lie on the couch. Here’s some ideas:

Fancy Lady dress-up and drinks: in San Diego:

Bully’s East in Mission Valley has a Valentine’s Day Menu and special cocktails like: The Maiden or Hayley’s Comet
http://www.bullyseastsd.com/2013/01/29/make-your-reservations-now-for-valentines-day/

The Andaz on F Street Downtown has a rooftop lounge and is a hotel if you need to book a room: their package includes an intimacy kit and breakfast the next day
http://www.sandiego.com/hotels/andaz-san-diego

Donovan’s Downtown offers a free ride in their 14 person coach if you prefer not to get caught unable to drive: They whisk you away and safely to your destination
http://www.sandiegorestaurants.com/specialoffers.cfm/restaurant/1371/DonovansofDowntown

McCormick & Schmicks offers a deal on Wednesdays that’s shrimp and oysters for $1 each from 5pm to closing
http://www.sandiegorestaurants.com/specialoffers.cfm/restaurant/2503/McCormickSchmicks

Or Finally, when all else fails there is always: STARLITE on the edge of Hillcrest and Banker’s Hill with a Valentine’s Day line-up inclusive of the loners not just the lovers:
no cover and DJ music until 2am
http://www.starlitesandiego.com/2013/01/673/#13597549375901&true

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When It’s no longer fun to date…

Remember the days of long ago 3rd grade when you had a crush on Tommy Smith who was the best speller or four-square player, and you just liked looking at him.  He was like forbidden fruit and the danger of telling anyone that you liked him was that he might pull your hair or make fun of you.  Even if he accidentally touched your hand you got shock waves and an adrenaline rush that could not be equaled.  Flash forward to real adult life with bills and bosses and co-workers and the playground crush isn’t so thrilling.  He’s reliable, or smart, or nice but he’s no Tommy Smith because he has no danger.  He has no mystery and instead leaves his dirty socks on the living room floor or his messy midnight snack dishes for you to clean up.  He cares more about the Olympics than your day and probably wouldn’t notice if you were there or not until the dishes piled up.

 

There’s plenty of romance in life, but it’s mostly in our heads anyway.  We make that feeling up, so we should be able to keep it going, right?  Well, here’s some tips for you to spice it up:

1.  Instead of staying in on a Friday make the concerted effort to take your after work shower and put on sexy clothes and make up and go to a happy hour.

2.  Use your Sunday morning to take a walk with your beloved and try not to talk the entire time.  Leave him wondering what you are thinking and vice versa.  Sometimes a little togetherness without words can give you room to just enjoy eachother.

3.  Light candles in the bedroom and spend 5 minutes before bed just holding eachother or looking at eachother rather than reading that book, or making last minute lists for tomorrow. Whatever it is, it’ll keep!

4.  Practice just kissing without it leading immediately to the bed.  The art of passionate kissing is subtle and all about responding to the person you are locking lips with.  What do they respond to.  What makes the other person want to keep kissing you what makes them pull away?

5.  Sometimes it’s most beneficial to just relax before you interact with your partner before you have sex or see eachother.  If you are coming from a frantic place it will color the time you have together.  So decompress.  

 

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Why dating sites suck!

Why dating sites suck!

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Seriously…I just don’t understand.

We’ve found your perfect match.  You and him both enjoy (insert lame activity here) and come from the same hometown.  According to your matching matrix you have 94% compatibility.  Then you get a picture of him trying to kiss a squirrel and wonder what you said in your matching matrix that attracted this squirrel rapist.

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Catching the Bouquet – Because They’re Dicks with Bodies Attached

“I don’t want to sleep with you until I’m sure of whether or not we’re going to be a couple or just friends.  Are you my boyfriend?  I just want to figure things out before I get attached to you.”  Does that sound like an invite to use me for sex and dump me?  Is that what men hear?  Yes, apparently!  They will say, do, agree to anything to get you in bed. Then all of a sudden, “I’m just not ready for a girlfriend.”  What that really means, “Even though I promised you I would respect you and not treat you like trash, I’m an asshole and will say or do anything to get my way.”

 

Signs He’s a Dick:

1. Promising way too much, way too quickly: remember the first date post I wrote because this is basically a continuation of that.  If you’re just getting to know someone and it all seems to good to be true with his words and attention, then it is.  The more he’s into you at the beginning, the shorter the time you’ve actually got his attention.

2. Sweet Guys are the worst offenders:  a man only gives as much as he gets.  If he doesn’t get from you what he wants he walks.  At least if he’s only after sex and you say no, then there’s no harm done and you’ve avoided a jerk.  The nice guy who acts like a charming, sweet, fun guy and acts like he wants a relationship but really doesn’t gives you the false sense of expecting more and getting treated like a whore.

3.  Vague goals and vague future plans:  It means he has things going on, on the side, online, with other people, which would be fine if you were just dating and not expecting anything.  This guy will likely take you out, show you a good time, but is never available to answer the phone when you call, doesn’t respond to text messages or emails and then kind of drops off the face of the earth.

4.  Mostly they are all online:  You might find the love of your life on Match.com or Eharmony or Chemistry or OKCupid or whatever, but it’s assuming one big thing, that men are out there looking for what you are looking for and that’s not actually true.  They’re out there looking for sex with no strings attached because they don’t really want a person in their life, they just want sex.  So, how do they ever get married and have children?  The enticement of a woman who is an easy fit into their lives.  She does the dishes, laundry, cooking, compromising, football watching, or whatever; that they do.  If that’s not your idea of happiness why would you want him anyway!

Ask yourself the question: if we stopped having sex would we have anything else in common or would our dates have any other activity in them that adds something to my life?  If the answer is no, cut bait and run.  Because they are all a bunch of dicks with bodies attached and you just have to find one that makes you happy.

 

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Catching the Bouquet – The Hunt

Is it the thrill of the hunt that makes us want to go out, go online, socialize, and aspire to the level of social status that Barney Stinson or “The Fonze” have?  The ungettable, mysterious allure of strangers meeting as if by fate and then striking a spark even if it’s brief and unfullfilling?  I don’t really think that’s what motivates us anymore.  Are men still hunting?  It seems like they prefer to set a profile online and wait to see who looks at them.  Does that make women the hunter?  Maybe.

“What happened to men being men,” says my Irish uncle who came to this country with the Olympics and stayed to go to college and met my aunt.  He remembers his mom taking care of the kids and his policeman father providing for them.  As the youngest of 7 he was never the man of the house but always the baby.  But, I think this is a question all men eventually struggle with.  What makes a man, a man.  

Leadership is something I have always been good at and basically maintained my whole life.  I was the boss of my friends, my siblings who were younger, and even my larger family in certain matters.  I used to play office and I was in charge.  I gathered all my friends together one summer for a fourth of July parade that my mom graciously helped me pull-off and it worked.  I like achieving things.  When did that become so scandalous or is it that I’m a woman achieving things?  I would almost say that I am a better role model man than woman.

Honor has a lot to do with being a man.  A word that hides a few others like pride, ego, and tyrant.  But it’s not really used in modern language very often to refer to a character trait.  I don’t think anyone would call the Kardashians or Tiger Woods, or even community leaders ‘honorable.’  They aren’t!  They sell their daily lives for entertainment and behind the scenes do terrible things to others.  Where is there an honorable role model for men.  My dad was at a loss when my brother and I were with him on every other weekend.  He watched Tom Hanks in Big and decided we needed to learn math.  He made us fishsticks and tartar sauce and became a gourmet.  He didn’t really know how to be a dad.  But he tried.  Who could he really look to?  There’s not really a Martha Stewart equivalent for men.  There’s not really a man in media who even comes close to projecting a heterosexual image that is honorable and gentle while still being a man.

So, we end up with lazy suitors who are used to single moms or busy moms controlling it all for them, and not having to hunt for themselves.  I’m sure they were good moms, but none the less taught their boys to be unreliable, un-honorable, selfish, childish, and unable to be men.  So what are they looking for?  Women like their mothers: strong, self-sufficient, organized, career minded, and willing to hunt them down for sport. 

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Sharing 7 tips on “Being a Better Bridesmaid”

By Author Holly Lefevre for GalTime.com

7 Tips for Being A Better Bridesmaid

1. Be the “yes” gal. This is not your wedding. This is her day. Be agreeable. Nothing ever good has come from a disagreeable bridesmaid.

2. Leave your negativity at the door. Support and accept her decisions, even if you would not make the same ones. Whether she wants blue roses in her bridal bouquet… or if she has her heart set on serving pigs in a blanket as a main course at the reception, it’s her choice.

Related: How to Fight Fair with Your Best Friend

3. Be a part of the party. As a bridesmaid, it is your duty to participate in all wedding activities, even if you despise the bouquet toss, get out there. When it is time for the toast, be present and ready to smile and click your glass.

4. Stick with her style. This is not the time to “force” or impose your style and ideas upon your friend, the bride. This is her day. Plan a bridal shower and a bachelorette party that reflect her taste and style.

5. Be a true friend. This is about more than doing your bridesmaid duties. The bride asked you to participate because you are friends and she trusts you. Don’t let her down now. Listen when she needs to vent or brainstorm, and when you see it is all too much, make her take a break. Steal her away for a cup of coffee – no wedding talk allowed.

Related: Bridesmaid Dress Trends

6. Behave. You do not want to be the talk of the wedding… the day after. That means no sneaking off with a groomsmen, getting into a disagreement with her sister-in-law or passing out in the hall. Not a good idea… for obvious reasons.

7. Be a voice of reason. Stay calm. Even in the most stressful moments, keep your head about you. Calm is contagious.

With these simple bits of wisdom, being a bridesmaid can be fun, and truly define your relationship for the rest of your lives. Most of all, it is important to remember to take the task seriously and remember you are doing this for your friend, the bride.

 

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Catching the Bouquet – The First Date

Well, you’ve joined the website, talked to your friends, gotten up the courage to talk to that guy you like or been asked out. Whatever the journey you got here: The First DATE!!

What happened to the date. Most women aren’t really asked out anymore or really given the opportunity to say they went on a date. It’s just hanging out or getting coffee or a drink. So the lines of date and non-date are pretty blurry but if you happen to find yourself on a proper date or feel you are on a date GOOD FOR YOU!

So, there’s sure-fire ways of being impressive on a first date and we’ll start with wardrobe: the booby top. Yes, it’s obvious, but again, it works! The v-neck, push-up-bra necessary top that you own that makes your ta-ta’s look great! You know the one. The one your mother would scowl at if she saw you leaving the house this way. If not a booby top than at least no t-shirts that sag and say, “I’m a frump!” The perfect pair of jeans or trousers that make that behind look plump, round, and smooth. Not the ones from the eighties with a waist higher than normal or any kind of “mommy” jean. Which leaves make-up, hair and accessories, which truthfully men don’t really notice.

They are checking out your body. Make no mistake, he’s thinking the whole time about whether or not you’ll sleep with him. That’s all he cares about on the first date. He’s wondering if you’ll let him sleep with you. So, being overtly flirty isn’t really necessary. Holding a conversation and making things casual is the best way to get him off his sexy fantasies in his head and actually get-to-know you. Humor is the quickest way to a man’s intellect short-circuiting his other brain. Making jokes, figuring out his sense of humor, and getting him to talk about himself are your job. Then stop. Does he do the same things back? Is he asking you questions? Or is he just staring at your boobs all night? Does he listen to answers and then have something to say? Bonus brownie points if he actually lets you talk as much as him!

Okay, you’ve made it to the end of the first date, laughing and talking and sparing with each other in a good way. Hands should be touching because he broke the personal space barrier already or you have. It’s appropriate at this point for you to think about whether or not you want to kiss him. Does he seem interested in a kiss? Has he made a romantic impression on you? Has he been a gentleman and cared to let you talk and listened? He deserves a kiss. But, it can be awkward to kiss someone you don’t know that well. So, here’s your other job, go from hand touching to body touching in a really subtle way. Maybe your whole arm ends up around the trunk of his body, or his shoulders, or a leg ends up pressed up against him somehow. 🙂

I’ll let you decide the details, but you’ve just upped the touching level to another one, how did he take it? Does he pull away, did he keep the contact going or does it seem as if he didn’t notice? He might not be into you like you are into him. This is good to note now. Now you can kind of relax and realize it’s a friend you’ve just made so you wait the requisite 2 months to talk to him again and maybe keep a friend or just let the night lights go out on that guy. Plus, maybe the touching doesn’t set off any sparks or butterflies for you? You won’t know until you try? But if you’ve tried and failed, then it’s time to end the date gracefully.

Ending a bad date is a lot harder than it sounds. You want to be polite and not crush the guy, but you can’t lead him on. He’s still on the sex, even though you distracted him a little bit, he’s still there and won’t get the stop sign you’re giving unless you pull the brake too. That’s not a hand job joke. He won’t really pick up on subtly like not touching, moving farther away, not talking, or not making eye contact, which he should, but he’s a guy. So, you might have to actually say something like: “I’m glad we did this but I don’t really think we make a great couple. I don’t want to give you the wrong impression, but I’m getting more of a friend vibe from us.” He may try to argue. It will be sad and pathetic. Keep to your point, you’re not interested. Keep those words coming out of your mouth whenever you can fit them in. A good guy will accept it or even agree. It would be easier if he agrees and says good-bye like a man, but you might have to be the bigger person and finally end the conversation.

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Catching the Bouquet – Flirting

This was such a mystery to me as a young girl. Were boys flirting with me? Was I flirting with them? If my guy friend and I played together on the play ground was that okay or were we flirting? What did it mean to flirt? I’m not sure how far I’ve come in this area except to say: Flirting works!!

I have a friend who is gorgeous. She is voluptuous, funny, smart and would drive the guys wild by being a big flirt! And it didn’t matter that she wasn’t a supermodel or anything, they found her desirable. They found her presence enticing. They wanted to be near her and flirt back. It’s such a subtle art that she mastered and used it to attract whomever she wanted. She was so sexy even without lingerie or fake boobs or any of the trappings that magazines tell us we need to be to get a man.

So: Flirting techniques that work:

1. compliments: remind him he’s strong, smart, the expert, the leader or whatever and he’ll like that. Of course this works best if he actually is smart, an expert, strong or a leader but you can make him the expert of where you two are going tonight. You can make him strong enough to open something for you. Smart enough to figure out something for you like where to park. It’s not lying, it’s flirting. And it works! You’d feel good if he made you feel pretty and complimented you, right?

2. touch: one I like to use is removing something from his mouth or eyes. “Oh, you’ve got something there!” but not too creepy or sticking fingers in placing that aren’t so romantic but more gross. I wouldn’t go for the spinach in his teeth. Another good one is if someone is trying to get by the two of you, put your arm on him and gently move him. You don’t have to pull him closer like in the movies, but a little nudge to the side or a tap to let him know someone is trying to by or something that breaks the personal space barrier.

3. eye contact: smile and look. If you smile while your looking it’s a great indicator that you like what you see. Smiling and looking sounds simple but it’s a real art. No creepy staring or smirking. A friendly relaxed smile that’s sweet and look like you’ve just seen the most delicious cupcake in the world! Don’t look up and down like you’re judging or sizing him up, but look at him in the face. He will return the gaze and will see your face.

Well, those are my tips! Go get your flirt on!

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Beijing Fashion on Fashion TV gives a bridesmaid some ideas!

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